Sirtuin 2 (SIRT2) is a protein deacylase enzyme that removes acetyl groups and longer chain acyl groups from post-translationally modified lysine residues. It affects diverse biological functions in the cell and has been considered a drug target in relation to both neurodegenerative diseases and cancer. Therefore, access to well-characterized and robust tool compounds is essential for the continued investigation of the complex functions of this enzyme. Here, we report a collection of chemical probes that are potent, selective, stable in serum, water-soluble, and inhibit SIRT2-mediated deacetylation and demyristoylation in cells. Compared to the current landscape of SIRT2 inhibitors, this is a unique ensemble of features built into a single compound. We expect the developed chemotypes to find broad application in the interrogation of SIRT2 functions in both healthy and diseased cells, and to provide a foundation for the development of future therapeutics.